infinitepossibilities

i’m one of those who find solace in writing letters. i don’t necessarily send them to intended recipients. generally, if there’s something in my mind and i cannot muster the courage to confront the person i usually end up writing the person a letter. however, the said letter is never sent as i usually tear the letter up afterwards. somehow being able to express my thoughts on paper, though not reaching the target person, is enough a relief to me. to this habit of writing and tearing is an exception. sometime in my junior year in college, i found myself writing to one individual and tucking the letters away, unsent and unread. curious because i ceased to have a connection/interaction with this person for like 3 or so years, nevertheless writing to this person gave me comfort. i wrote to this person when feelings of loneliness and regret surface. at other times, just reading back the letters i’ve written was enough to erase the blues that i feel from time to time. this exception came about perhaps because i fancy ‘entertaining’ the idea that i might be falling for this person. my ever logical mind refused to believe that i have a soft spot for the person primarily because my brain subscribes to the theory that falling for a person is not possible if there is lack of interaction between the two individuals. in any case, i managed to write eight <unsent> letters in the span of four years. in between the first year to now, the desire to tear up the letters is ever present. in those years, i recognize that my action borders on the foolish. yet i couldn’t bring myself to do it until 2 days ago.

one of the reasons i couldn’t tear the letters then is the idea of showing them to the person when i’ve stocked sufficient courage. this idea stems from my little theory that a living person should be made aware that amongst the populace there’s someone out there who values him greatly without his knowledge. <haha, it’s just a pity that fear stops a person from doing  so.>

well, i’ve torn up the letters. it’s time that i teach myself the concept of letting go, although i still could not bring myself to throw them in the trash for good. so much for the lesson on letting go.