tev: explain to me what just happened…
vet: well, i didn’t expect to see the person. i was surprised. you know how bad i am at handling surprises.
tev: yeah, i just saw how bad, didn’t I?
vet: what would you have rather that i do?
tev: for starters, you could have stayed and find out how things will progress. you could have stayed to ask the questions you’ve been wanting to ask.
vet: oh now you’re telling me that! wasn’t it YOU who shouted "why would you change your routine for the sake of the person?" - it was pretty loud and clear if i might add.
tev: perhaps it was my voice. but you of all people should know that you make your own choices. you believe in that. making choices for yourself. how come you didn’t choose to stay? you know you wanted to.
vet: you’re talking as if it was an easy call for me. all right, if it makes you happy - i let fear get the better of me. i let fear overcame me. i listened to your voice telling me not to change my routine. to stick with it and to not allow one little surprise to change it. so there. are you still going to pester me about it? i admit it wasn’t the wisest decision. but shouldn’t you at least see it my way? i hate awkwardness. perhaps the awkwardness was all my imagination, but it’s what i felt. now - you know me. i loathe it when i don’t know what to do. you know that i equate not knowing what to do to being stupid. i don’t have to tell you that "stupid" is the last thing i call myself. i’m a conceited person, remember? i’m someone who pretends intelligence. look at it this way. be in my shoes and tell me. you value intelligence so much that when you’re in a situation where you don’t know what to do — aren’t you going to panic? aren’t you going to do what i’ve done?
tev: i think you know the answer to that vet. an intelligent person such as you never runs away from something she doesn’t know. an intelligent person would have stayed and discover answers to things that are a mystery to her. an intelligent person never cowers from anything. she embraces every opportunity that will bring her knowledge.
vet: enough already. you don’t have to cause more pain. i recognize my mistake the moment i stepped down and went about my routine. i’ve already given myself a good beating. you don’t have to make me regret what i’ve done. i’ve regretted it if you must know. let me ask you. would you expect someone to do something differently when in her entire adult years, avoiding someone she’s partial to is like breathing to her? avoiding an xy that she probably likes is very normal to her that it becomes automatic on her part to do the avoidance walk when she sees the person. she just finds herself avoiding the person without a conscious effort on her part. avoidance isn’t a conscious decision at all.
tev: of course it was a conscious decision on your part whether you admit to it or not. you decided to follow your routine to prevent making a fool of yourself. listen here vet. wasn’t it just a few days back that you admitted to a good friend how you felt about him? didn’t you inform him that you found the courage to tell him because the very things you’ve done and are trying to avoid are the very things you are doing again? didn’t you tell him that you want to do things differently because you don’t want to regret anything? didn’t you tell him that you found it appropriate to tell him the good things while he’s still alive? wasn’t it your reason to keep all the feelings to yourself because you didn’t want to make a fool of yourself ? wasn’t it one of your reasons to suppress the feelings because you didn’t want to make a mistake of falling for someone? look where those decisions have gotten you? don’t you think it’s time to act differently? don’t you think you should make the mistake and create a new pattern?
