the feeling is indescribable. all i know is that i’m trying to fight back the tears. there’s also some unknown physical force trying to clench that organ located in the chest. all i know is that there are lots in my mind dying to come out and yet unable to surface. perhaps because my skill in stringing words is wanting or that it is too enormous a feeling that attempting to put it into words is like finding a needle in a haystack.
ignorance is bliss.
i should have known better and followed what i’ve been telling myself for the past months: ignore blogs. stop reading them.
people will do what they have to do and there’s no stopping them. ergo,
don’t be hurt with whatever they decide to do. stop thinking about people and their welfare. you’re just putting yourself in front of a speeding bullet, an easy target for more hurts and disappointments.
my logical mind screams that i stop thinking about people for the reason that though they gave me happiness, they are also the greatest source of pain. no individual deserves to feel pain in whatever form. yet that entity within me screams with equal force; true. what these people may do or intend to do in the future will hurt me. it will hurt me because they’re that kind of stimulus i call valuable. <only important and valuable stimulus has the power to cause pleasure and pain.> it pains me to think that the current place they are in is making them miserable that they want out. it pains me to think that perhaps they’re in that muck because of a promise of "walang iwanan." it pains me to think that even with that promise, there’s really nothing that will make people keep that promise. it pains me to be cognizant that there’s nothing that can hold them back from bolting, from wanting out. it also pains me to think that even with that promise, the best recourse is to let them go with the assurance that with their departure, things will be okay eventually and that they shouldn’t feel guilty for coming up with that decision. that you love them anyway. it pains me to think that though the future action will be hurtful personally and i would rather that they don’t come up with that decision, both my mind and heart are in agreement of letting people go.
consistent with the personal belief that friends and people i love deserve nothing but happiness.
let me go, vet. let me go. **insert evil cackle here**
bitaw, it’s nice to see you blogging again. =)
Ngik, I feel terrible. I truly had no idea, before I talked to you yesterday. The promise holds uy. Na-touch ko. Hehe. I was blogging about another twenty-seven-year-old. Blogs are not evil. Tell yourself that ha. Read my blog. I need the traffic. Hahaha. =)