at least i didn’t panic this time. but it doesn’t mean that the butterflies in my stomach didn’t flutter. boy, had stimulus him heard the rapid beats of the organ in my chest, he would have known something’s up with me. good thing he didn’t. if he did, good thing he pretended that he didn’t notice.
it was the most awkward situation to be in. for someone who blabbers a lot, i was robbed of speech. i don’t know if it was just me or he too noticed the awkwardness of the situation that he opted to talk to the driver of the car. it was funny… then silence…. long silence…. threw a question… a liner answer…. silence…. silence…. mentions something…. me blabbers… hilarious!!! me cracking up in silence!!! … haha, i know it’s all in my mind because nothing extraordinary really happened. it’s always is like this when i’m around the person. i don’t talk and he does the same. perhaps sometimes there’s an exchange of a line or two, then we part. ignore each other.
situation such as what happened is the very reason i keep my courage at bay. i know i can summon it anytime i want it. it’d be hard, sure… but i think i can call on it when the need arises. but there’s just NO reason why i should.
but then again, there’s really nothing to this except the meanings i attached to my perceptions. there lies the problem.
somehow, there should be a way to put a stop to this. all i want is to be comfortable around the person. i don’t want anything more because i know i cannot give more myself. i just want to treat the person the way i treat others. i want me talking normally, the way i corner people eating lunch alone for unwarranted interviews.
