may 23, 2007
something’s totally off with me today. jeez, i’m losing concentration. there’s something i’m looking for, yet couldn’t quite point my finger to what it is specifically. i just know that it’s keeping me from doing the very thing that’s providing food on my table. my usual suspect is the need to blabber with one person in particular. don’t ask me why of all people it has to be this person. i’m practically afraid to bump into the person as i can’t read what’s in the person’s eyes. so i myself don’t know. it’s probably the reason why i’m also itching to talk to the person. the greater part of me wants to talk to the person badly regardless of the consequences or embarrassment it’ll bring to my person. you see, i’ve this penchant for knowing everything and with the way things are going with me - i don’t have a darn clue as to what’s going on. it frustrates me big time not to have answers to questions running in my mind. the logical part of me, the lesser part yet the one with a more forceful voice and which i’ve more leanings to, argues against talking to the person. reason 1 because i really don’t have nothing significant to say except pass on my confusion to the unfortunate soul. reason 2 because it’s something that i don’t do on a regular basis. heck, it’s something that i have never done at all and there’s no sound reason why i should change my ways just for this instance. reason 3 because then i would give myself away that i’m a loose screw. i’ve no problem with admitting to being crazy to high school him [even without his permission now, jen, and a few other significant people because they're my friends. haha, friends are those unfortunate souls who willingly/unwillingly become one's sounding board. those who accept all your crap regardless and hits you big time if you try to screw up your life. reason 4 because apart from my pretending intelligence i value respect so much that me indulging this need is probably the one that will make me lose the person's respect in me [not that i know if the person respects me, it's just me - the lady of assumptionista talking.]
incidentally, line shared linkin’s new album with me. minutes to midnight and their second track: given up
somehow speaks to me. it somehow sums up and represents whatever it is that…[words escape me]… funny, it’s so not linkin to have expletives in their lyrics. hmmm… something to think about: change.
Given Up
Wake in a sweat again
Another day’s been laid to waste
In my disgrace
Stuck in my head again
Feels like I’ll never leave this place
There’s no escape
I’m my own worst enemy
[chorus]
I’ve given up
I’m sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all the way
I’m suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
[end chorus]
I don’t know what to take
Thought I was focused but Im scared
I’m not prepared
I hyperventilate
Looking for help somehow somewhere
And no one cares
I’m my own worst enemy
[chorus]
I’ve given up
I’m sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all the way
I’m suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
[end chorus]
[bridge]
Goddddddd!!!!
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my misery
Put me out of my
Put me out of my fucking misery
[end bridge]
[chorus]
I’ve given up
I’m sick of feeling
Is there nothing you can say
Take this all the way
I’m suffocating
Tell me what the fuck is wrong
With me
[end chorus]
