e.o.
hi! i just feel like tapping on the keys, you know. habits. chester’s currently singing "my december" and i can hear the whirring sound of the ceiling fan in the background. i generally don’t know why i’m thinking or what i’m thinking. it’s times like these that i truly wish to feel your presence and see your face. call me crazy, but even without you speaking your mere presence somehow lifts me up. not that i’m down. am i? who knows. haha, funny because i don’t recognize you at all. true, sometimes i think that you’re this person, but deep down i’m sure you are never the person. does it make sense? let’s just say i have an image in my mind. in that image, you’re this person whom i can never have for a lot of different reasons. perhaps even if you are someone i can have, one thing’s clear, i’m the biggest coward on this side of the planet. i’m brave in most cases, but when it comes to creating a relationship — i’ve no backbone and my kind of personality isn’t a big help either.
hypothetical scenario - if ever someone comes up to me and think i have a thing for a particular individual, i automatically resort to being the biggest liar on earth. however true the observation might be, denial becomes automatic. it’s a result of my weird thought processes. but be damned if you happen to ask the question yourself. you’ll be in for a surprise as i generally have an uncensored mouth and tendency to blurt out raw truths. this however is ONLY TRUE if i get past the panic attack and the skepticism that there’s an xy who’ll approach me in this sense. but you know what? if you ever exist and you dare come up to me — then you must be something. <not that i’m an impeccable judge of character, believe me - i am but that> i say this because then you go beyond appearances. there must be something in a person who will dare try to be in
the know of my brand of craziness. it’d be interesting to meet
you.
