it’s 12:27 on my pc’s clock. just got back from a late dinner of yang chow minus shrimp and spring onions topped with shanghai rolls. as i got out of chowking, i heard a strong voice in my head;
you no longer want to do this, vet.
slaving and staying in the office way past midnight.
you want to be home.
not to your family. at least, not to where your folks and siblings are.
you want a family of your own. a husband and children, or at least a kid.
you want to play mother … wife and be grounded…
naah… illusion. BIG TIME.
how could it become a reality when you yourself refuse to do things differently, vet?
right. i’m vehemently opposed to going out of my way just to meet that elusive one, if he ever exists in my realm.
what’s the trigger this time, vet?
why these thoughts again?
last i recall you’ve resolved that you’re okay on your own.
that there’s so much to look forward in your life.
a place you’ll eventually own.
numerous stuff to buy to make that place a home.
opportunities and lots of opportunities to travel, and explore the world.
complete freedom.
simple.
dilemma.
crossroads.
you like someone.
the logical side of you screams there’s no future ahead.
primarily because the other person doesn’t know you exist.
part of you clamors to do the same thing that you did with h.s. him.
tell him the truth.
yours. not his. it shouldn’t matter, should it?
yet, you don’t want to lose face.
part of you is scared of what the other person will think of you.
a bigger part of you is merely curious.
know the person and get over the novelty.
can’t. won’t. afraid of things i might discover. learn.
another part is detached. it’s my truth, not yours.
hope.
faith.
darn, these thoughts.
all right. back to TOEIC.
snap.
end.
