the general feeling is one of lethargy. the lack of
energy is draining the sap out of me. i’m very much
aware that i won’t die of my condition. i’m very much
aware that there are people who are much sicker
than me. as my friend pointed out, in this relative
world, i should take comfort in the fact that there are
others who are in much deep shit than i am [hehe, i
could not remember the words verbatim - but that
was the gist of it]. well, i recognize the truth in her
words, but sometimes exhaustion just kicks in.
currently, i have a mind that is very much willing to
fight and emerge victorious, yet my body is
screaming for everything to just stop - the
headaches, the intermittent pain - the blood flow. it’s
weird why i’m feeling them now when i’ve no reason
to. i’m already into my 7th day of withdrawal
bleeding, and from 12 soaked pads a day, i’ve
reduced to just 5. i also stop popping painkillers
today to test if i can go through the motions of my
everyday life without depending on them. so far, i’m
not feeling any pain in my pelvic area, just the nasty
headache. everything is looking good, yet i can’t
successfully convince myself that i’m hundred
percent fine. i blame it on my pale lips. haha, i’ve
bitten them several times today but it only works for
a few minutes and them lips are back to being pale.
i guess, i should avoid mirrors today and cross my
fingers that nobody would comment about them
being pale…hehe, people - i have to shed off my
very thick uterine lining - every inch of those lining,
thus - the too much blood discharge and yeah, the
pale lips…
anyway, pale lips aside - i wish to thank all the
friends i bothered the past few days. believe me
guys, your indulging my “thinking aloud” messages
helped me get through my pain. achinette kong, i’m
thankful that i finally listened to you to go see your
doctor. she was truly a great help as she’s the first
doctor i’ve had in years whom i can call or text when
my symptoms are at its worst. thanks also to the one
who causes pain and pleasure for talking nonsense
to me and for introducing jamal malik. hehe, it sure
was a great distraction and a tremendous help. let
me apologize also for doing the wrong thing one
night. i just didn’t know better.
