infinitepossibilities

last friday, i attended a vinyasa yoga session. it was my first time to attend this type of yoga class. it was a totally different kind of yoga. its focus is more on movement and breathing - synchronization of the two actually. it’s far different from the kind of yoga i’m used to. since i’m merely a beginner, i’m used to soft-gentle yoga where focus is more on stretches.. i’ve been attending soft-gentle yoga classes the past few months [intermittently]. our session last friday got me excited as we tried vinyasa yoga. i don’t know much of the poses though. the movements were fast, they’ve very challenging to one’s muscle strength and for only a few minutes of breathing and execution of poses i’m all hot and sweaty. ten minutes into the session, i was like “patay - kaya kaha ni?”. i haven’t developed strength and flexibility yet, so much of the poses were a challenge. i’m truly looking forward to my next yoga class. i know i’ll have more body aches, but they’re good pain to me. it’s the kind that exhilarates me.

unfortunately, there’s the kind of pain that will prevent me from attending my class tomorrow. since the night of saturday i had my first day of withdrawal bleeding. this is an expected occurrence after my third cycle of progesterone. i’m hating the pain and the blood discharge for many reasons. one, these symptoms will reduce me to being a crying lunatic again. i hate the symptoms because it makes me doubt my capacity to be independent. it’s like i’m enjoying solo living then all of a sudden, i’m back to being this needy person wanting someone for company. it’s during this time that i want he-who-causes-pain-and-pleasure to be around. i want to see his face as he smiles all the time. when he’s around, his presence makes me try harder to forget my pain. like last night, when he dropped by to return the drill he borrowed and gave me a copy of the movie i asked of him. he caught me doing my laundry and made a casual comment on why i was doing it at night. well, i could only offer a lame excuse and a plea to leave my place immediately as i don’t want him watching me doing a poor job at washing my own clothes. in reality, i was doing the laundry to try to mask the pain i was feeling at my pelvic area. i was hoping that with my hands occupied, i could forget that i’m in pain. it’s really weird, i don’t want him to see me writhing in pain but at the other end of the spectrum i want him to be around so i can draw strength from his presence. as of this moment, i so want him just to distract me from the pain. but i’m aware that he has a life of his own. i cannot summon him whenever i want to. contrary to what you [few dear readers] may think of this post, there’s nothing going ON between us. yes, at one moment of time, i dared express having feelings for the person and since then we’ve both acknowledged that we can only be friends and nothing more. yes, we’re admittedly close but there’s nothing to it. from time to time, he allows me to do some stupid things as bothering him with my complaints of pain but most of the time i’m also this sane person who knows i need to set some limits to some of the things i do. so achinette kong, your money is safe. there’s no need for you to purchase that airconditioning unit.

anyhow, i’m still doing a poor attempt at forgetting my pain. ponstan sf can only do so much. so will try to distract myself and resume watching episodes of True Blood. i close this post with great regret that i won’t be able to attend yoga class tomorrow night and report to work. knowing what i know of my symptoms… things will probably get better for me by tuesday or wednesday. hayy…as much as i dont have a life, i dont want to be spending my next saturdays making up for my absences due to this sickness. i could only cross my fingers that there’s a miracle for me and i’ll be completely healed of my adenomyosis.